Rant/not really one but just saying what’s on my mind that irritates me.
They’re some people that are ridiculously self-centered. And really two face .. And put on a act and that they are better then. And act all godly. Then in 2min begins to tell you that I don’t like that person or tell people gossip. Every And are 100% fake. They all was try to tell you have you should run your life and are in your Business and just do creeper things.
And the same people say they are your friends. And you have something or have things going on and they know or should I say it’s respectful to go or take/or call them. But yet you know that the things that they want to do are really not a priority in some situations they rather not deal with it and just not go. I will never understand why people are like that.
There’s a difference between making small progress what I call baby steps. Then not making any progress at all. To some it doesn’t seem like you have done anything. But those people don’t pay attention to detail Or don’t know how to pay attention to the details.
So yesterday Was one of those days where my anxiety was so bad. My sister wanted to help me with the basement. And I have a panic attack. Because I know what I want to do down there. And I’m at a spot were I I am at a dead end. Were I want to go get tubs for the bigger things. And there’s other things that can be put into boxes but I don’t know really know tell I get to it. I’m working on it bit by bit. But I have higher priorities. That come before organizing that stuff.
So I told my sister. Nicely that I appreciate her offer but I don’t need any help at this time. And because I know what I have planned and that I see in my mind. And the fact that she’s hardly home and I’m the one that has to know where things are. And I had a panic attack because I has issues with people messing with my things are moving. It sounds crazy to have A panic attack over something like that. But when you have add/ADHD anxiety disorder Panic attack and have scoliosis. You can only do so much. And you have to prioritize. Definitely and do things differently than people that don’t have any issues.
So my mom tells me that she’s going to call the cops last night because I was just sticking up for myself and trying to express myself to my sister but she was just not understanding and being very rude. And having an attitude with which if you know you take things when you’re in the middle of an have a real bad anxiety attack and they’re not working trying to understand.
I really lost it when I kindly asked her to do the cat litter if she wanted to help me. Do something in the basement. So she freaked out on me and started saying stuff to my mom that I didn’t hear she was saying but I know she was saying stuff. That’s when I completely lost my shit. She would not hear me out. And just had a attitude about everything. My mom says she understands what I’m going through but yet when you asked if I took my medicine. That doesn’t help me either. If you suffer from the stuff you know you just take your medicine to avoid having feelings. But when you just have days when the medicine just doesn’t work and you’re pmsing.
And when your mother doesn’t step in to help explain to somebody that just doesn’t want to understand that’s what hurt me the most. She didn’t want to deal with it.
And when you have just started counseling and haven’t even seen the medication doctor yet and you’re trying your best to get through life. Medicine isn’t going to work in the day you have to try a lot of different things before you find something that works but when you have no support from family that don’t want to try and understand or here what you have to say. I’ve a family that doesn’t want to talk about your feelings. And if they do want to hear they just try and tell you things that might work but you know that no matter what they might say it’s not helpful and we know it’s not gonna work for you.
Sorry its it’s taking me a few day to give you all an update! But it went will! He came abut 2 and didn’t go tell after 6 pm
So my real dad what’s to be a part of my life. To be real I’m cool with that. But the thing is the timing is not the best. I have a lot on my plate. With medical issues and trying to get my Beach body business up and going. And on top of that I have thing I have to do day to day and I can’t have him just calling saying hay I’m off work and will like to come hang out.
That is fine and all but the thing is. With having ADHD any thing that offsets my schedule really fucks with me. I freak ou
t and I can’t function. Bc I am behind on everything and I can not get caught up. And it really does not help my anxiety at all. I get he what’s to make up for lost time. And I understand he feels bad that he has not been around. I get that but life is crazy. And I’m trying to find out what works for me. And it’s hard when I keep getting Road blocks.
I have a schedule that I like. And that has been working but I have not been on that set schedule due to will Health issues. And other things that just happen.